Breastfeeding is both a blessing and a curse. It is an utterly amazing feeling to be able to provide all that a vulnerable baby needs. On the other hand, though, it chains you to the baby. It is impossible to go anywhere without the baby, and with baby comes a massive organisational effort to get out at all. When cubling enters one of her feeding frenzies, and she does so at least once a day, feeding on and off for hours, exhaustion is total, and with exhaustion and a demanding baby come doubts. Particularly in the early days, when mum also needs to recover from a difficult birth. It can be all too much and I would not know what to do without hubby being here all the time. 2 weeks paternity leave are a joke, if you've had a baby and you are breastfeeding, you really need someone there for longer. Not so much because of the baby, because the breastfeeding is confined to mum of course, but for emotional support, for the times when baby doesn't let you even go to the loo for a jobby for constant crying. These moments when you think you really can't cope.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I can keep up breastfeeding for six months. I guess it will get easier once I can express and make bottles out of the stuff, but the way things are at present, it's difficult and I take one day at a time. Maybe the problem is that I've always been very independent, and now with the blink of an eye, cubling depends on me to such an extent that I'm not just me anymore. I'm me and a baby attached to my breasts, sucking all my energy away.

Then there are the moments such as this, when she actually takes a break. Day 14 and I've managed to write a few lines, fill in some forms, clean the kitchen and put a machine of washing on. Not much, not things I care much about, but a glimpse of normality and me time.