So many things are easier by now, that's week 11 after b-day. I can read cubling's cries most times, and there's something resembling a predictable routine emerging. I also know what she enjoys, often she doesn't need to go to the full cry to get what she wants, and she interacts.

All the more disconcerting are those evenings then when she cries for hours, only consoled by nursing her. The nursing fades into a slight suckle, half sleep, I take her off, the crying starts all over again. We had this in Fife, after a long coastal walk, and again last night, after a day in the sun and unusual summer heat. Both times I ventured outside my comfort zone during the day, and there may have been reasons for increase in hunger. All I know is that the crying was for food. I nursed for hours without success and finally, at midnight, distressed by my babies hunger, I succumbed to using formula. Both times it was with a heavy heart, because I fear she may develop allergies, which make my own life difficult at times, and I really don't want to pass them on to her. I was also worried to read that the formula milk contains fish.

What I don't understand though, in spite of having read every breastfeeding site I can get hold of (I do enjoy researching a topic that interests me to ridiculous depths), consulting midwives, books and internet forum, why occasionally I cannot meet cubling's hunger. While I'm confident that most days, and at most feeds I do, there are occasions where I'm just as sure that I don't. This is in stark contrast to all the expert advice which maintains that milk supply is very rarely an issue. Many of my friends supplemented as well, yet there are also statistics supporting the successful exclusiveness of breastfeeding.

It's a minefield. On the one hand, there is the WHO recommendation and lots of research which demonstrates the health benefits of exclusive breast feeding in the first 6 months. There is no research into the effect of occasional artificial supplements, yet most breast feeding women in the UK seem to supplement sooner or later before the 6 months are over. On the other hand, women in Scandinavian countries seem to manage fine - 98% is the incredible statistic for breast feeding, although I don't know for how long and if this is exclusive breast feeding. The message that the breast feeding police gives is that exclusivity is important and that supplementing may quickly lead to difficulties.

At the end of the day though, if my baby is hungry and I cannot fill her tummy, I'd rather risk it and give her artificial feeds than listen to a hungry cry for hours. With all my commitment to natural feeding, I will not let my baby starve. What I don't understand is why situations like the two evenings that I experienced are not acknowledged in the breast feeding support sites, and why there is no research into the benefits and dangers of mixed feeding which would allow an informed decision when presented with the dilemma of a hungry baby.