Right, so I want to make a little film about Cubling's first year. I was all set, and converted the original files (HDD) to mpeg files. Now the real trouble starts: The recommended software is windows movie maker and apparently there are people who use it and manage to make a video. So far, I've failed miserably. Apparently, it doesn't import mpeg files, particularly mpeg2. Which is what I have. So I need to convert to something else, such as .avi or whatever. Just that every software I or my beloved have tested so far either doesn't work or windows movie maker still can't import, in spite of the lovely .avi extension. Or the conversion takes hours for a 2 minute clip.

I've tried trial versions of conversion software and it didn't work
I've tried using a different video editing tool and it didn't work
I've looked into open source stuff but my head exploded in a cloud of smoke. My beloved is still working on it as open source is for people who understand code, not me.

At this point, I'm very willing to spend money on software that will a) work and convert into files that Windows Movie Maker can import and handle, b) do a batch conversion and c) do it in a reasonable time. Like 5 hours for my 100 files. I'd just about accept twice that time, just about. Or invest in a good and straight forward video editing tool. I don't want fancy special effects, just something that can shorten clips, put them together, add music and add subtitles. Maybe do some nice fades and add some photos. Really, nothing fancy. Just good enough to get my dad's birthday present finished in time.

Anyone?
Suggestions very welcome.

Soooooooo groß!!! (stretches out her arms and smiles from ear to ear with greatest pride).

She does this also when still half asleep. Including the smile. Some early bird ...

Wow, there's someone who's had an idea I should have had ages ago. I admit grudgingly. And he even got onto national TV with it! So what's the story? Well, he's a guy who commutes to work with his bike, as do I. What's special about him is that he has a video camera attached to his helmet and posts videos of dangerous maneuvres on youtube. Motorists hate him and send him death threats, cyclists love him.

It's a funny argument and very indicative of the road culture in Glasgow (and beyond? you tell me). There aren't many cyclists, and road planning didn't exactly happen with the safety of cyclists in mind. I don't know how driving instructors prepare car drivers in how to respect weaker participants in road traffic, but looking at the behaviour of motorists and professional drivers in particular, they skipped that lesson altogether. Now, Strathclyde police argues that if someone finds their safety on the roads compromised, they should contact them in the first instance. Well, to be honest, been there done that. The issue is that a) if you get hit by a car or almost hit, or cut off or whatever, usually the shock is so great that you won't remember to memorise the number plate. If you do, b) the police will say that it's your word against theirs. You really need witnesses. And anyway, c) even if the police was right there, I'm sure sweet nothing would be done about it.

This is why I don't think magnatom is taking the law into his own hands. He's just creating a witness - youtube viewers and his camera - which may raise awareness and educate, or antagonise. The latter it definitely will because at the end of the day it is acceptable in Glasgow (and beyond?) to disrespect the rights of cyclists on the road. So motorists feel wronged, although it's actually the cyclist who suffers from dangerous driving of motorists. Why are motorists scared of being found out? If they obeyed the highway code and drove with respect and care, they wouldn't have to fear anything.

Of course we'll get the argument thrown back at us that cyclists bend the rules a bit. Yes, this may be true for many cyclists (not all), but they don't exactly kill by doing so. Magnatom, by the way, also strongly criticises cyclists who don't obey the rules and exposes them too. Personally, I see it as a give and take. Because motorists disregard my safety and right to being on the road, I don't feel obliged to strictly follow the highway code and bend the rules where this is beneficial for my safety and only if it doesn't compromise anybody else's safety. I'm happy to change when I stop experiencing regularly cut offs, near misses and motorists overtaking me without leaving any space, cars parked on cycle lanes and above all severe verbal and occasionally physical abuse for being "in the way" (read: a road user) of motorists.

I can never quite fathom why cyclists get such abuse. Every cyclist is one less car on the road, making space for the cars who are actually on the road so they should be ever so grateful to us. We don't pollute the air, don't use up natural resources or fill the atmosphere with CO2, we exercise and safe the NHS a good deal of money. If motorists begrudge the fact that a cyclist is quicker in the city and doesn't get stuck in traffic jams, why don't they just join us instead of fight us?

I'm seriously considering following suit with this camera thing. Not to post it on youtube but to get valid evidence to pass on to the police.
What a great idea this guy had.

Ooh, the big milestone reached, Cubling should now drink milk from a cup, eat fingerfood and start to feed herself.

Mummy laughs out loud, can't you hear it?

I think I'm throwing out about three times the milk that she actually drinks, and that includes bottles of formula and cups. Drinking milk from a cup - you must be joking mumsy. From a bottle? Only if you're not around. You wanna stop breast feeding mummy? Sorry, I don't. Your loving daughter.
I've tried it all - substitute least favourite milk drink with milk in cup. Tried cows milk. Tried a different cup. Tried a cup that she picked at the supermarket. Tried to let her go very thirsty. Tried to offer cup (and bottle) before, in the middle, at the end of a breast feed. Nae luck.

Fingerfood is another story. She'll happily feed herself some bread, some breadsticks and the occasional baby crispy thing (i.e. she can do it). Fruit and raisins are fed... to mummy. Other than that, puree is still the way to go, except for when mummy has something interesting on her plate. In that case, Cubling wants what's on mummy's plate.

Self feeding at the moment takes the form of WANTING the spoon and bowl and putting it on her head upside down. If she doesn't get it, there be screaming fits that will get the neighbours to look for a new place to stay. Of course she wants the real bowl and spoon, clean ones won't do.

However, I'm told by reliable sources that by the time she starts school, she may have mastered the art of self feeding without distributing all the food in her hair.

Then there are the days where suddenly she won't eat at all. Which is always worrying because that's what parents do. Usually it's down to teething, as is 40 degrees of fever and the shakes that go with that one. All normal. I now know that books are useless because even if you read that 40 degrees fever and the shakes are normal, if you have a 40 degree fever baby that's shaking in front of you and it happens to be yours, theoretical knowledge goes right out of the window. Bless NHS 24 who were ever so kind to deal with a panicky mum at 4 am in the morning on the night of her birthday. And to be honest, that night I was thankful for still being a breast feeding mum. Nothing comforts a feverish and sickly baby whose molars are the most painful thing ever to sprout from a gum better than the magic plug.

Today is a special day. Not only is it a very early Easter day, and a beautifully sunny one at that, with all the daffodils out in bloom, it is also Cubling's first birthday.
All her pals were there to celebrate, a day early, which was kind of ok because after all this is a leap year and she did complete a full 365 day yesterday. A year ago I would have thought it impossible to host a party of 12 babies and toddlers plus their mummies and daddies, how things change. We shared so much in the past year that there was no question that we'd like to celebrated this big day with her little pals, so the house was full of life, wonder and awe. I'm still amazed how they've all developed into their own personalities, their different little selves.

We almost had to cancel her big party. Just in time for the finishing touches, Cubling became very clingy and an hour before her guests were due, she started crying. And didn't stop. She'd run a temperature, with no other symptoms, but not being a baby who gets a temperature often, I was worried. We even started phoning people who were travelling, asking them not to start the journey. Thanks to a dosage of paracetamol though, she made a very quick turn and within 20 minutes was her own little (mad) self again, speedy Gonzalez, the fastest Cubling of Scotland. So she delighted in unwrapping cards and presents, playing with her friends and above all, escaping through doors. We enjoyed the first sunny day in the conservatory since we moved in - it may be icy cold outside, but with the sun it was cosy and warm and felt like summer. Cubling spent the day buddybuddybuddying, entertaining the adults.

Her birthday proper (i.e. today) was spent at her second cousins' baptism, twin girls, and yet again she managed to entertain the entire congregation with her giggles right in the middle of the ceremony... Needless to say she did not sit still either on the church bench or later at the reception table, but had great fun investigating babies, clowns and making friends with total strangers. People shy she is not. And all the much exitement made food a bit of a boring necessity, so in the afternoon she was finally so hungry that she feasted on my very own sandwich - that's the baby sneakily ripping a sandwich out of mummy's hand and tucking in who still refuses to eat any type of finger food... I suppose and egg mayo sanny is a bit tastier than those healthy organic carrot sticks or rice cakes.

Happy birthday my Easter bunny princess, you are the sweetest most inquisitive and beautiful girl, my precious baby with the tireless pointy finger. It's the most amazing thing that we've made this incredible journey together. The joy and love you've brought into our lives is the most special thing. To say it in your own words: buddybuddybuddy. You are our song of joy.

Some children in the UK can be imprisoned without having committed a crime.
Some young people in the UK cannot get a driving license.
Some children in the UK are denied financial help to undertake full time further education.
Some young people in the UK cannot open a bank account.
Some children in the UK may be deported from the country because their parent committed a crime.
Some children in the UK cannot take part in school trips to Europe.
Some three and four year olds in the UK are not allowed to attend nursery.
Some children in the UK are not treated as children first.

The UK signed the UN Convention on the Right of the Child in 1991, but although this convention is meant to apply to all children, regardless of where they live or their status, the UK applied a reservation to the convention: children who are not citizens and don't have residency status are therefore not protected. Asylum seekering and trafficked children in the UK are not treated as children first. The Borders and Immigration Agency are now running a consultation process on safeguarding children. At the end of April, there is a real chance that this shameful reservation could be lifted. Please add your voice to it.

We'll be campaigning with a group of young refugees and I'll keep you updated of what we're getting up to...

The Guardian ran an article on why detaining children for immigration purposes is wrong. It's worth a read because it demonstrates it with the story of Meltem Avcil, who lived in Glasgow, and because it asks the right questions.

It's the kind of article I would make compulsory reading to those commentators on social networking sites or online newspaper sites who have such simplistic views that an asylum seeker who has been refused must be an illegal immigrant who came here for economic reasons and who should now just go home.

Regardless of the details of Meltem's family's asylum application however, it still focuses on the detention of children and why this is wrong. In my work this is the only argument that counts. Sometimes this is limiting because some cases (such as that of Meltem's family) are so horrendous that it is beyond belief that refugee status is not granted by the Home Office. But I'm not a lawyer or adviser, so my opinions and beliefs count for nothing.

Anyway, read this article, I can't really put it any better than Natasha Walter.

 

All around me, my fellow mummies are now returning to work. Some did so earlier, some later. I was the first, well, not quite, but the first in relation to the age of her baby. Cubling was 5 months and one week when the big day approached. I also went back to work for more hours than the average mum, 4 full days to be precise (I had planned on full time but couldn't face it). I didn't have much choice, for two reasons. I changed jobs while pregnant, and Cubling was due in March last year. The due date was significant because as of April due dates, maternity leave could be as long as 9 months, rather than the 6 months for my March due date. The job change was significant because you need to have worked for a company to qualify for additional, unpaid, leave. And I didn't.

Looking back, there were a few issues with this. Because I wanted to spend as much time with Cubling before returning to work as possible, I worked until 2 weeks before my due date. Then she was flipping 15 days late, so my return to work was for 5 months exactly. The last month of work was horrendous. Apart from hardly being able to move and having feet the size that they wouldn't fit into any of my shoes, I regularly missed the flopping train because platforms are announced 2 minutes before departure and I couldn't walk fast enough to get on before it left.
I disgress.
Being an older mum, the last six (eight if you include the overdue weeks) weeks of pregnancy were really not easy. I was very tired, couldn't walk well and my mind wandered. I wouldn't recommend it.
Then, the return was a nightmare. Cubling took ages to get used to childminder, bottle and generally not being carried all day. She didn't sleep well during the day at that point, nevermind nights. The childminder almost gave up on us. Thankfully, daddy was between jobs and able to give her a gentle transition.

It was a wise decision to reduce my hours to a four day week. I have no idea how I would have managed on full time hours, to be honest, I don't think I would have, it was difficult enough as it was. The weekends are short, and between giving Cubling some social time with other babies, some singing, outdoors time and one special something, while also trying to do shopping, cleaning, washing and cooking, the time never suffices.

I didn't have much time to manoeuvre about when to return to work. However, having met other mummies who asked for unpaid leave even if they didn't have the right to it, maybe I should have given that a go. Nothing lost if you get a no, lots gained if they give you a yes. I strongly welcome the change of legislation that increases ordinary maternity leave to 9 months, in fact, it could be 12 months (why not in fact, it's unpaid leaven anyway). If the government is serious about promoting breastfeeding, surely a 6 month maximum maternity leave period is a joke. For most mums this means a return when baby is 4 or 5 months old, and expressing isn't the answer for everyone. I had a baby who at 5 months fed every 2-3 hours, like a newborn, for one hour each. I was glad for the few hours of the day where I didn't have a vacuum extractor attached to my boobs and surely didn't want to spend that time with another such type. At work, I neither had the power to have regular expressing breaks, nor a private enough room. Meeting room was often busy, communal kitchen led to strangers walking in on me, and toilet had no place to sit apart from on the toilet which I just couldn't bear. I tried, sacrificed all my breaks, and ended up constantly stressed, exhausted and feeling harrassed.
So for a potential second baby and any readers who aren't sure how to plan their maternity leave - 6 weeks before due date is a good time to stop work, but it's possible even if not exactly fun to go longer. Returning to work when baby is 5 months is hard on baby (and on some mums too, although admittedly I quite enjoyed the work bit even if the rest of the day became a race with time) and not desireable. While they say that separation anxiety kicks in at 7 months, I can only observe that separation from mummy before that time isn't exactly welcomed with cheers by baby. All of that before I even mention night sleep. I remember that the first months at work I was constantly yawning because Cubling was waking every 2-3 hours for a feed. Now, she was late with the sleeping though thingy, but some babies are like that, and a tired mummy doesn't make for a brilliant worker or good parent.

Now that Cubling is a baby for just one more week, things are easier. The turning point was at around 8 months, when she started to enjoy every day at the childminder (rather than having one bad day a week), and started to sleep better at night, while we got used to the working day routine. While it's still hardgoing at times, but I'm no longer constantly tired and on edge. And weekends are now enjoyable with Cubling being able to communicate her likes and dislikes and getting a bit more independent.

The reward of all this: Today we had a wonderful day, between swimming pool, swing park, two long sleeps, and some fun playtime with books. She loved it, spoke her first proper word in our company ("baby"), and interacted as well as played on her own. The only quibble was that of boobie versus cup, and even withdrawal of former plus plenty of exercise did not lead to acceptance of latter. Everything else was just perfect. What a lovely way to end the weekend, happy baby, happy mummy and daddy, roll on the working week.

At first it was kind of funny. Cubling's fear of snow was at least understandable if you consider that she hadn't seen it before and it is pretty dramatic in transforming the world she knows. And the bubbly bath water looked a bit like snow, so fair enough on that one. Barking and active dogs - sure, they move fast and have the power to knock her over. A flock of pigeons, yep, I hate them too. A giant remote control spider - yuck (although that's me talking who has a fear of spiders and knows that that was a spider - why Cubling got anxious, I can't tell).

This weekend, she demonstrated fear of grass, fear of a ball pit, and fear of the swimming pool. Now this is a baby who is into everything, ever so active and curious, and has no scrupel when it comes to taking other children's toys. All the patience and gentle encouragement, holding her tight and saying soothing words, letting her watch the other babies play, were in vain. She screamed, tried to get away, clung to mummy with fear in her beautiful eyes. It was heart wrenching. And worrying - there we were, having tried to do special stuff with her, only to make her highly uneasy. So I googled this anxiety thing. Apparently it's normal in toddlers, as some form of self protection when they get more mobile. But Cubling is not a toddler and still far from it.

She's been to the swimming pool three times now. First time, she didn't like it but just about tolerated it with lots of grumbling. Second time was better, but still no smiles or signs of enjoyment. Today marked not just a third trip to the pool, but an attempt to start a regular activity, partly to give her an outlet for her endless energy. I'm also keen to get her to like the swimming pool because I myself was late learning to swim and never took to it at all. I hated it at school, it fully exposed my lack of physical ability to excel in any sport - I didn't feel comfortable in the water as I had to take off my glasses and didn't see well. I never learned to swim well, or to dive. I never had the confidence to jump even from the smallest of boards, and I'm scared of deep water. The only time I liked swimming/water was in pregnancy and during labour. I would like to see Cubling enjoy water and swimming and to be more confident than I ever was. And the start was not exactly as planned. While her little friend N. took to the water like a fish, she was startled and unsure.

So we decided to try out "ducklings" swimming classes at a reasonably local pool. I'd called ahead and was assured that no booking was necessary and that I had the choice of an earlier or slightly later time. Of course we opted for the later one. When we arrived all changed and having paid for the class, the tutor bluntly said "you're too late, babies are at 9.15am". WHAT? Well thank you for not telling me when I phoned. So we ventured into some untutored splashing instead. Cubling screamed. She was so afraid that it was a pain to see. We tried the baby pool - less water, fewer big splashing children. Still, fear. Clinging to mummy and daddy for sweet life. But then, magically, she started watching other babies. Some of them went down the wee water slide. Suddenly, her mood changed, she let go of us and started to crawl in the water, heading straight for the slide. She crawled right into it, testing, but moving. Then down she went, caught by mummy and with a big smile on her face.

We were so so proud of her. Such a sudden and fabulous change. And I'm sure she was dead pleased with herself as well, the way her face lit up and the keenness to do it all over again and again and again.

So on she went, crawling up the two steps with a bit of help to get to the top of the slide
 and right into the slide, down and up again, for about half an hour non stop. A big smile every time she went down. To finish off, we went back into the big (yet shallow) pool and this time she was happy enough. I know she had a special day, she was the sweetest soul for the rest of it, in so many little ways did she seem to tell us "that was amazing". It's as if she's discovered a new side to herself, one that makes her feel good. There were unsolicited smiles, the cutest cuddles and kisses, and generally a very happy little girl. She even sat in a highchair for the duration of a restaurant meal. I couldn't believe it.

I was convinced that Cubling wouldn't be walking for a good while yet. However, in the past three days she's taken to the walker and is waddling through the living room with the biggest smile ever. She looks a bit Monty Pythonesque, her stride resembles that of a penguin, legs slightly too far apart, feet turned out. Sometimes she will even throw her legs forwards. The amazing thing is that the walker, which 3 days ago was a useless tool and would just roll off as soon as she'd lift herself up on it, is now the perfect tool for walking practice.

She even stands unsupported for a good few seconds now, invariably followed by a sudden all body collapse.

Mummy had her first full night's sleep last night. 7 hours non stop, what bliss. Just in time for international women's day hahaha. Cubling was due a year ago today, so she picked a special day.

She's obsessed with shoes and hats. Just before bedtime, she was cruising about with a shoe attached to her bum, while she tried putting her other shoe on her head, on mummy's foot (you must be joking, it clearly doesn't fit...) and then likewise with mummy's slippers. She uses any container for a hat now, including toy boxes, cups and even her tights. She finds this very funny, just like we do. At her pal's house today, she filled the hosts' boots with toys, that'll be a nice surprise I'm sure.

Reading another blog I got intrigued with Cubling's use of pointing. Apparently there's two types of pointing, one to draw someone's interest to an object in the distance (protodeclarative pointing) and a kind of pointing to get an item (protoimperative pointing). I'm not sure if she uses her pointing for both - I assumed she did, but then I read that the pointing for interest usually is established by 14 months, so she's a bit young for it. If that's the case, I've been misunderstanding her for about 2 months now, thinking she is showing me stuff she sees, when really she just wants to have it all.
Unless as with everything, there's a wide range of when pointing is established, and she's making up for her (very) delayed self-feeding skills (although her feeding mummies and daddies skills are pretty impressive) by being an early pointing wizard.