Hello everyone. I'm furious. Or rather, I was flipping furious yesterday. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but oh my was I furious. I almost cried with fury, just that I was too, well, furious.

Air travel, which I don't like at the best of times, has become an obstacle course. Especially if you travel from London. Now, I KNOW you can't take liquids in greater quantities than 100ml on planes. I KNOW you can't take sharp objects onto planes. And I DO try my best not to accidentally leave screwdrivers and pliers in my handbag again (don't ask...) because I would really rather like to keep them.

I also agree that my beloved's attempt to transport a scian dubh and kilt pin in his hand luggage was a bit, well, hopeful. For the non-Scots amongst you, a scian dubh is a sharp and biggish knife, well suited to slice up a nicely roasted pig attack a foe. Fortunately, that was at Glasgow airport - incidentally a place which was actually attacked by terrorists (unlike Stansted airport I would like to point out), but the Scottish airport security staff have a sense of humour and a true appreciation for what was a very good scian dubh, so my beloved was allowed to send it home rather than lose this special sample.

I cannot, though, for the love of country and safety, understand why a tub of baby suncream lotion, two handmade jars of delicious southern French jam, bought at the airport as a souvenir present, and mooing butterfly cow from the Early Learning Centre can be a threat to national security. I would have gladly eaten a piece of each to convince them, but to no avail. So two jars of delicious southern French jam, are not now in the hands of deserving people, but in the bin of Stansted airport, alongside with baby suncream lotion (used just once), while mooing butterfly cow, thank God!, was allowed through. Cubling would have been a wild one if they'd have taken her favourite toy.

Am I daft or is jam sharp, liquid or explosive? Sun cream lotion - no liquid either, and 150 ml rather than 100ml, oh come on!!! Butterfly cow - oh yes, she's got a strange hard thingy inside, must be a bomb, let's press it, ohhh, what surprise, it makes "mooh"!!! That's surely the sound of a bomb exploding. Next thing they'll confiscate my boobs because they're currently lactating and may well have more than 100ml in them.

Now, just hours before, at Pau airport, they let us through with all of that. Plus a full 500 ml bottle of water, displayed outside of our handbag. If we really wanted to blow up a plane bound for London, we'd have had no bother.

I'm so flipping furious.